Thursday, October 8, 2009

end time, 4:50 a.m.

These past few days have been late nights for me. Sadie hasn't been going to bed till late, why you ask -- I couldn't tell ya. But when Sadie is fast asleep and the same with everyone else in the house, it gets nice and quiet. No distractions, nothing. And that's the time when i'm able to hear my own thoughts, and actually relax with no worries (until 9:00 a.m hits).

Lately, i've been thinking about my friends, family and my life in general, and how I am lucky to have the people in my life. You all know who you are.

I'm blessed to have supportive friends and family who, I know, will always be there for me no matter what. No word of a lie, I never thought I'd be friends with the friends I have now. But I guess that's what life is all about -- changes, surprises and just things you would have never expected. But it's good to know who you're real friends are, no matter how late you find them. I'm happy to have the friends I have. Even living this far from them, I still feel like I'm there, with updates mostly everyday on how things are going and also taking the time to see how I'm doing, especially how Sadie is doing. And it's only made us closer than we've ever been before.

My family on the other hand, I expect to be a part of my life. It's obvious there can't really be any changes, other than someone marrying into the family. But either way, I'm happy to have my family. We may not be a perfect family, with a few fall outs, arguments and disagreements here and there, but in the end, I know that we all love each other.
I'm grateful for my mom -- even though sometimes I question about the decisions she makes and I don't end up agreeing with her most of the time, I still love her and I'm thankful for everything she's done for me and for Sadie. She's been there for me every step of the way, and she has always been there for me, no matter what my faults are and the mistakes i've made. And with everything we've gone through together, it's only made us closer.
My auntie is another one. One of my very best friends, who knows everything about me and who I can tell everything to. She really could be my older sister, and sometimes I'd like to think that she is. We do have our arguments and she does lecture me alot of the time, only because she loves me and I appreciate it. I know i've thrown her with alot of "not so good" surprises, but I have no doubt that she wouldn't be there for me. Just like my mom, no matter what i've done or how upset I get her, she's never failed to help me out.
I'm not gonna start talking about every one in my family individually cause that would take forever but the two I mentioned are just one of the many reasons why I love my family and why I'm happy to have them as family. And when it comes down to it, family is everything.

And what i'm most grateful about is having Sadie in my life. I could not imagine not having her in my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason and if I wasn't supposed to have Sadie in my life, she would not be in my life. Plain and simple. But she is and I am so blessed to have her and to call her my daughter. She really makes me want to be a better person, aim high and to work hard to get to my goals in life. And she's the reason to keep me going. I'm not gonna lie, things haven't been going so smooth but she makes me not want to give up and to keep trying. Things are only going to get harder before they get easier and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get us to that point. Alot of it also has to deal with patience. You know how the saying goes, "patience is a virtue". And i'm trying my best to be patient and to let the pieces fall in the right places at the right time. I want her to live a long healthy HAPPY life. She deserves it and more.

Also, I can't forget about the family who i've adopted because of having Sadie in my life. And for those of you who know about the situation, then i'm sure you understand. But ever since I've had Sadie in my life, it's made me closer to a few choice family members and I couldn't be happier with the outcome. I'm thankful for those who has been there for me, and for the family members who Sadie hasn't even met yet, but still has taken the time to send a package for her and to send a little message here and there. Another family besides my own, to spoil her. And if you know her Grandma B, there is no denying that Sadie is her little peanut and would only try to buy Sadie everything Grandma B can purchase and give Sadie everything she could possibly need and more haha. But i'm grateful for this family, and for the things they've done for me and for Sadie.

There's really no need for me to be upset about anything. And the more I look at all my blessings, the more happy I am.

"got my dreams, got my life, got my love
got my friends, got the sunshine above
why do I make things so hard on myself
when i've got so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy"

shout out to Jessica Lander <3>

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